7 Years of Marriage and a Few Pieces of Advice

“Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Mark 10:9

Wow… I can’t believe I have been married for SEVEN years, tomorrow! It’s funny, but since my husband was the only man I ever dated we have actually been together for 11 years.  We began dating when I was 15 years old and he was almost 19.  Like any young couple we went through a few months break ups a couple times, but for the most part we have been together all of my adult life, so life without him is something I have really never known.  I’ve had a lot of people ask if I ever regretted no dating other people and my answer is “no.”  I knew when I began dating my now husband, Brian, that I truly loved him.  Our relationship started unlike most because I was unable to “date” at 15 years old so he had to make a trip to see me every time we did anything.  Not only this, but he was originally my older brother’s friend and my brother wasn’t too fond of this relationship to say the least, at the beginning.  I also have two younger siblings who were always around and seriously hazed my husband at the wishes of my older brother.  This went on for an entire year until I was allowed to “car date!”  During that year of “house arrest”, I was so angry at my siblings because they put us through so much, but what I didn’t realize is it allowed us to grow-up together and we had a bond with my family and my husband’s family that I would not trade for the world.  I am so thankful now to my parents for giving me those boundaries because it was those boundaries that allowed us to develop a friendship that turned into a deeper love for one another.  As the years have continued to pass, our lives have changed but each year we become closer and closer.  I am not here to say that marriage is a piece of cake because anyone who says that, is not telling the truth, but I would not trade it for anything in the world.  So here’s to 7 years and a few “real life” lessons I have learned in marriage.

Put God First

This is the utmost important piece of advice I can give and if you quit reading here, I am okay with it, but please remember that God should be the NUMBER ONE thing in both your husband and your life! Without God we can do nothing! God created us to love HIM and rely on HIM! There is no advice any person can give you that God has not addressed in The Bible and we should seek HIS advice! GOD also tells us how to love our spouses Ephesians 5:25, Ephesians 5:33 & Titus 2:4 all remind us how we are to love our spouses.  There are countless other verses, those are just a FEW! Praying for your spouse is so important and will do more than anything else we can do!

Always Support One Another

Having my husband’s support on what I choose to do means the world to me! Every one has something that they are passionate about where mine may be blogging and makeup, my husband’s is flying and guitars.  Both are important to each of us and it is vital that we never make the other feel that their wants and passions are less than.  Not only in hobbies, but in those major decisions in life whether it be to have children, to move, to build a house; having the support of your significant other is so important! Sometimes you have to stop and realized choices you are making are no longer just about YOU, marriage brings two together as one flesh and every decision affects both people.  Sometimes  I may not always get my way, but it’s important to step back and look at situations in an objective manner and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

Communication is Key

I give this “tip” to every engaged couple I know! This is what can make or break a relationship in so many cases!  Communication, seems simple, right?! I am that personality who when I am upset may or may not tell the opposing party I am mad or hurt (whatever the case may be).  I am super passive and AVOID confrontation like the PLAGUE!! However, the first few years of marriage I took this approach and it ended up back-firing every time and WAY WORSE than it would have if I would have just come out and said what I was thinking or why I was hurt.  The opposite can be true as well where the other party always speaks up and neither way is good!  What I have learned is, address the issue when it happens, but do so in a way that is not convicting or angry (at least try) by not coming at the party with so many emotions you can tell them from your heart your thought process and why something was wrong.  You will find in a lot of cases, what was going on in your mind about a situation is usually never as bad as the other person meant it to come across.

*We believe others perceive us as we perceive ourselves!  This is not fair to the other person because they probably have NO CLUE what your insecurities are!

Never Lose the Art of Dating!

This may seem easy, but with today’s society and the American lifestyle we NEVER have down time! That means that we are probably not spending as much quality time with our spouses either! It is super important to drop every thing each day for even minutes and check-in with each other! I have found it so refreshing just to put our phones down for even just dinner time and ask each other how the others day went.  I learn and understand what my husband is dealing with or has dealt with in a day’s time and if he had a hard day it really helps me to know, it has nothing to do with me if he is in a bad mood.  It’s so easy to take everything personal when you don’t know what someone else had going on!  So take time each day and if you don’t have each day at least once a week to put everything aside and truly enjoy spending quality time with your spouse.

Compliment you Spouse every day!

Some days this may seem hard if you had an argument or you weren’t feeling well, but letting the other person know that you love, respect and are proud of them is super important! It’s so easy to think. “He/She knows I love them, that’s why I married them,” but that saying is far from true especially for a woman! Most women I know, including myself, don’t have to hear how pretty we every day, but occasioanally is so sweet and there is no person a woman would rather hear that from than her husband.  Having two brothers, I learned that men’s hobbies or interests are super important to them, so although I may hate golf, I will on the occasion go with my husband and tell him how good he is doing.  My husband enjoys playing guitar, so sitting with him and taking interest is an indirect compliment! It’s important to feel appreciated!

There are so many more things that are important for a healthy marriage and every day is new and some are wonderful and some are hard, but no matter what marriage is a commitment and like anything worth having takes time and understanding! I tell people so often that marriage is not the fairy tale that we all grew up watching on the Disney channel, it’s actually so much better because it’s real life.  I am in no way an expert on marriage, but I did want to share some personal things that I have noticed, that have really helped us! I hope you all enjoyed this!